When election night came upon us, leading up to that, I was posting on social media with a different attitude. I was straight forward…VOTE! I was speaking more for myself of four years ago as much as I was for my peers and followers to see. I would get to work everyday at Millennium, only discussing my opinions with the only co-worker I felt was worth having conversations about politics at the time.
My roommate, who is Canadian, had a similar assessment and outlook on the country as I did. He was more than happy to drive me to the local polling station where I could drop off my ballot. To me, that spoke volumes, because the conversations we had along the way leading up to election night reminded me that even people who weren’t originally from America, also wanted to see what was best for the country too.
When election night transpired, I paid attention to every single solitary second. Seeing Oklahoma plastered up quickly under Trumps name with their electoral college delegates didn’t faze me. However, as the people I spent that night with freaked out and tried to predict what would happen, I kept that numb focused state intact. I knew the result; I just didn’t know how long it would take to get there.
As election night went on and I realized we wouldn’t get an official result, I still didn’t worry myself, or even listen to anyone else’s opinion on it. I was exhausted of the extra noise. For the first time in the year, I was focused on one thing at a time and I wouldn't let anything waver me.
I would lay in my bed watching the slow numbers of votes trickle in as I watched Georgia turn from red to blue in real time. I had to have the very same thing I need all year long…patience. As I went into work just a few days later, as my co-workers would joke and be impatient with the entire matter, I kept my eyes glued to the screens around me, always having a tab of the numbers. I wouldn't forget the moment I was waiting for.
As I was at my office on the campus even, I still had tabs open, almost obsessively refreshing them on my computer to see any developments. Of course, social media was impatient and created jokes of how long it was taking.
With this, also came the initial distrust parts of America had with the integrity of the election. I kept waiting for that final call and the answer I needed to see. I walked into Millennium on November 7th, turned on the live CNN broadcast, and when Wolf Blitzer said they could make the call, I let all of my emotion out of me. I forgot where I was, what I was supposed to be doing and screamed and emphatic YES as If I were watching my favorite team win the game.
I wanted to believe in something again, be apart of it and watch change happen. My co-workers didn’t care much, and I loved that, their exhaust and brushing off of that moment made it more important for me. Unlike four years ago, when I fell asleep thinking things would be okay, only to wake up and see the beginning of Trumps presidency, this time I was apart of something special.
I could see where other people’s sides of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris being elected would make them feel uncomfortable, unhappy, or even mad. However, when I saw hundreds of thousands of people in the streets celebrating, as if we had won a war…that brought something within me I was missing, hope for something better.
Some may read this and think it’s not so easy to just believe in something changing with one person, but I remember having that same attitude in 2016. This was about actually watching the country doing something about it, and seeing the black community, and people of color, no matter their age or even how long they had to wait in line to vote, knowing their vote mattered. It was that simple to me. It wasn’t even watching just CNN but watching everyone’s reactions and broadcasts call Joe Biden and Kamala Harris the president and vice-president elect.
Something about watching black women crying and screaming as Kamala Harris took the stage to empower and uplift women, reminding them they can be anything they want to be, showed that this was worth it all. Plus, watching the country feel patriotic, feel proud of where it was going forward, versus how it felt to be an American years prior meant something.
I didn’t discuss my emotions with my friends that much. I re-posted stories on my Instagram to let that speak for me. However, laying in bed watching their speeches with tears in my eyes, seeing that such a simple act I didn’t do years ago, now had an impact when I did was priceless. That part of me that truly cared about how to make others feel better and give themselves strength to move forward was growing again after watching the election night take place. (Their speeches are still a video to this day that I watch over for joy and optimism).
As the days carried forward after that night, the integrity of the election and if it were a fair and true process was what flooded the news headlines. The anger of the supporters of Trump and his party on the legitimacy of the election was the perfect way to describe the attitude of what wasn’t right at core value, not accepting that things were this way now. More people voted in this election than ever before. People who wanted to stay safe chose to mail in their ballots and some had to wait hours just to cast their own. That’s what I thought of whenever I saw court cases trying to overturn the results and large masses of people questioning who was going to be inaugurated come January 20th. I thought about no matter how much someone wanted to have their own way and dictate how things were and change the narrative...we all knew the truth and were going to live with it.
I had only two people I wanted to reach out to during this time to express how I had really been feeling inside the last few months leading up to this moment. One was a close friend who I only communicate with via skype because of our distance. We catch up somewhat monthly and for those few hours we joke, laugh, and tell stories of how we’ve been, everything else in the world doesn’t affect us at all. The other was my first professor at OU.
Emma and I bonded over our reactions to Trump winning four years ago, so when he was on his way out of office, it was only right to catch up in person and celebrate. It was nice to feel this chapter of our friendship now coming full circle. The cloud of being ashamed of being called an America was being lifted. We both understood that. My inner circle of people are the ones who have helped me know that things truly were going to get better.
Because of this, my therapy sessions stopped being bi-weekly, instead I only had one during the entire month. When the time came to set up another one, I told her “the next one will be my last one,” with the most assuring smile I ever had. I knew that the next time she would see me on zoom, it would be after I’ve graduated. I knew in between then; I had a few more selfish things to take care of and just a few more inner demons to face on my own that didn’t need therapy or anyone else’s ears to listen to.
This month felt like the slowest, because everyday was more and more opinions and chirping around. However, I didn’t let anyone’s outside noise puncture me anymore. Now, it was time to take care of the last inner thoughts I had that needed to be addressed before I graduated. And with that, I knew there was only one more month to go. As I opened my laptop and pulled up my files on Dubiety for the first time in months, I knew that my writers block was lifting off of my shoulders.
Nevertheless, it was time for the end of the year and to get ready for the most important transition of my life thus far. I knew my family back home was celebrating Thanksgiving without me, and that was okay with me. This was because when I video called my family, I had the biggest smile on my face...knowing that I had bigger plans instore very soon.
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